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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24902122">Tired</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/badilllac/pseuds/badilllac'>badilllac</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Rants, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:46:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24902122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/badilllac/pseuds/badilllac</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark was just so tired.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Tired</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is just a little something that I wanted to get off my chest. This isn't very well written and was very hastily written. Not a lot of thought and no planning went into this except for the feelings I was holding. This is like a little rant projected onto Markhyuck. There's no plot and no actual timeline just how Mark feels in this moment in time.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>, exhausted. There was no way to explain how he truly felt. One minute he was upset with himself, crying about not having any communication with his Donghyuck. Crying, because he was such a terrible boyfriend for not checking up on his significant other anymore but for also bothering him all at once. He didn’t really understand why Donghyuck shut him out. Despite Donghyuck explaining to him countless times that he really just wanted to be left alone to deal and that there was a mental block preventing him from sharing and honestly he felt himself holding back. Donghyuck couldn’t do that to Mark. He just couldn’t lay all of his problems and all of his thoughts on Mark. Despite the countless amount of times Mark said it was ok and begged Donghyuck to just lay everything on him, he didn’t. And Mark couldn’t understand why. Mark feels like Donghyuck has explained it many times before, but maybe he’s just that bad of a boyfriend that he just can’t remember because it seemed to always be about Mark. Mark thinks. He’s asked Donghyuck if he was ok and he’s told Donghyuck to please just explain, but Donghyuck just shakes his head in response and stays silent the rest of the evening. But Mark doesn’t think Donghyuck understands either. He doesn’t think he understands how it feels like when the one person he thought he could always go to in his time of need just completely rejects him and ignores his cries for help and comfort. Donghyuck doesn’t understand because he always has someone who he knows he can talk to; his best friends, his boyfriend, a therapist. Mark knew he had his own best friend, but he was even more damaged than Mark and despite Johnny’s wise words and moments of comforting Mark when they broke up and when Mark was feeling irrelevant; it wasn’t the same and didn’t hit the same as hearing the different words he knew his boyfriend was capable of. Donghyuck truly had the support system Mark wished he had. He could escape so easily and hide away in his own virtual world where he could forget he had a boyfriend that seemingly nagged so much and deal with his issues in such a way that Mark couldn’t understand if he was truly taking the time to heal himself and face his problems or burying things so deep that he could suppress them until the next time they boiled over. Mark felt trapped in his mind, never feeling like he could express every feeling and say every thought he had sitting in his head. Things he had yet to tell his best friend and his family because he didn’t want them to tell Mark to leave the first boy he had ever loved and tell him that Donghyuck wasn’t good for him. So he was trapped. Trapped in his mind and Donghyuck didn’t realize because to him, when he was upset it’s all about Donghyuck and him taking the time to heal himself and his thoughts don’t drift to ‘hey maybe Mark might be kinda sad too’. Mark gave everyone his heart. He was always losing bits of himself the more he gave and the less he received. Mark was starting not to care anymore and soon, the boy who loved his sweet baby boy with all his heart, didn’t fucking care about anything but getting out of his cage and being happy and free. But still, when Donghyuck called, he dropped everything to try to make his day better. The kindness in Mark’s heart didn’t stop even when he was so lost that he didn’t know whether he was happy anymore or just playing pretend for his sweet love. Mark would gladly lose every piece of himself for Donghyuck though. That wasn’t even a question. No matter how exhausted and worn out Mark was, he’d always aim for pleasing his boyfriend and letting him break Mark piece by piece over saying anything to further hurt Donghyuck’s feelings. Besides, Mark was </span>
  <em>
    <span>too tired </span>
  </em>
  <span>to fight him anyway.</span>
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